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Finding a wife is like finding something that is good for your life (Proverbs 18:22, TLV). How can one find a wife?
Finding a wife begins with God
Soon after I became a believer I started to pray for a wife. I told myself that because now I’ve put my life in God’s will and answered the call of Jesus to follow Him, probably it is time to make the second most important decision of my life—get married. Therefore, I did what any believer does—I prayed to God. And prayed…and prayed…Do you remember what I said in one of my previous posts? Always start with God, no matter where you are or what you want to accomplish.
However, not long after I began praying for a wife I realized that God is not hurrying to answer my petition. Strangely, I thought He would do for me something similiar He did for Adam. In other words, I will wake up the next day with Eve in front of my eyes and we will live happily for the rest of our life. Do you know Isaiah 55:8 (TLV)?
For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways.” It is a declaration of Adonai.
Don’t you love this verse? It is humbling to know God thinks differently than you and me. Too often we forget this truth. One of the questions that rises up is how is God thinking about marriage and about finding a wife? Of course, we need to search the Scriptures to answer these questions.
Finding a wife and prayer
[Make sure you read the phrases that are highlighted as they take you to different posts of mine that can give you a better understanding of what I am saying]
As I already mentioned at the beginning of my post, I began praying fervently for a wife. Moreover, because our congregation emphasizes fasting, I thought I should set aside days of fasting for a wife. By the way, fasting will not manipulate or force God to act on our behalf. However, when you are fasting you show God that you are serious about something and that you need Him and His Presence to help you overcome. There is much more to be said about fasting, but that’s all for now.
Back then, in my early years of faith, I did not know much about prayer, but I prayed much. I prayed as I knew best and as much as I could. Somehow, I knew intuitvely that prayer is the key that can unlock anything. Indeed, God is the answer for any and every need or issue we face. However, God will make a way when His people pray!
It took a while to learn that prayer needs to be led by the Holy Spirit and not by my flesh. How can you know you are led by the Spirit in prayer? By simply inviting Him to lead you and asking Him not to allow you to pray in the flesh. God will not answer a prayer done in the flesh.
Finding a wife and prayer according to God’s will
It took a while to learn that I needed to pray for God’s will and not mine. So, now before I begin praying for anything I ask God to give me His heart and place His prayer in my heart. Moreover, I surrender my will to the Holy Spirit and I ask the Lord to make my will one with His. Also, to pray God’s will is to pray the Word of God—and to pray for a wife is according to the Bible and not in opposition to the Scriptures.
In Romans 8:26 (ESV)
Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.
Listen, before praying for anything, humble yourself before the Lord and say: Lord, I do not know what to pray and how to pray. Please, teach me and help me pray the will of the Father. Help me pray the prayer the Father will answer.
Apply this as you pray for a wife. And then believe that He will guide you! I will write more about this topic in my next posts, so make sure you subscribe to my blog.
I had to know this
For quite some time I could not pray for a wife because I was not sure I was supposed to get married. I know this sounds strange for some of you, but it was an issue for me. And as far as I know from my many prayer ministry sessions with many young adults and from my discussions with some of my single friends, this is not uncommon among men. Therefore, if you know a man who seams uncertain about marriage maybe it is because he is struggling with the question if it is God’s will for him to get married. Be gracious with them and help them find the answer for themselves.
But I had to really know if I am in God’s will by getting married. When you are on the journey to finding a wife you need to clarify this question. I did that, as I shared in my previous posts.
The rule in the Bible is for people to get married not for them to remain single. Probably you can count the single people in the Bible on the fingers of your hands. The people who are single in the Bible represent the exception not the rule. However, I know that too many singles tend to see only the singles when reading the Bible and somehow miss the countless examples of people who did marry and built a family. Don’t make the exception a rule! Stay Biblical!
Finding a wife and inner healing
I setteled down once and forever the issue if I am called to be single, only by the grace of God and through much prayer. God has His ways to answer our questions and confirm His truth in our hearts. If He did that with me He will do the same for you!
My next advice for you in finding a wife, is to make sure you deal with the issues of your heart. If you know you are in a bondage of any kind make sure you are set free. Therefore, if you battle depression, anxiety, pornography, gambling, food issues, or anything similar look for help. Proverbs 15:22 (TLV)
Plans fail when there is no counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.
Pray, talk to your Pastor, read books about inner healing, attend schools/courses about inner healing—do anything you can! You want to build a good foundation for your future marriage. Start with reading Neil T. Anderson’s book- The Bondage Breaker
I remember praying quite a few times and telling God not to make a way for me to get married until I would be completely free from any bondage. Moreover, I told God that even if He would not answer other prayers, I would like Him to answer this one.
Finding a wife not perfection
I know of too many people who got married with unsolved sin issues and their marrige suffered greatly. Now I know we will never be perfect but we do need a certain decent measure of inner healing before entering into a marriage covenant. I cannot emphasize this enough!
One day I realized I needed to talk with my heavenly Father about my expectations of how my wife should be. You know—I tried to help God, give Him my counsel, and telling Him my expectations. So, I began making a list and writing down everything I wanted in my future wife. Then, I began talking with God about my list and standards. Of course, after I told God everything that was in my heart I asked Him what was He thinking about my list. And I did sense God telling me to surrender my list of demands to Him—make sure you read my post about surrendering your life and decisions to God.
I believe many men and women are looking unwittingly after perfection—or almost after the perfect man or woman. However, there is no such thing as the perfect wife or husband! Many are missing God’s will because of their stubborness, because of what they want without trusting that God knows best what they need!
Finding a wife and surrender
Many men pray for a certain type of woman but God does not seem to lead their steps towards such a woman. Probably they want a woman with a certain age, ethnicity, or look, and sometimes they can present good reasons for that. But even their good rational explanations need to be surrendered to the Lord. However, so few have the spiritual maturity to see things that way.
In your surrendering to the will of God you need to believe He wants only the best for you. You need to believe that He loves you more than you can imagine and that He cares about you!
I read about a man who dated a woman he wanted to marry. And he talked with the Lord about his desire. The Lord told the man that if he would marry that woman he would not commit a sin but he will not fulfill his calling and destiny in life. Moreover, God told him that if he would wait a little bit more, He will guide his steps towards someone else. And if he would marry that lady then both of them would fulfill all of His calling and destiny! Indeed, it is crucial to trust in God for the person with whom you want to marry. Proverbs 3:5-6 (TLV)
Trust in Adonai with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.
Make sure you read my previous post and the next ones, as I want to share a few more things. In the meantime, continue to pray and surrender. Talk to God about the desires of your heart and then surrender all of them to Him. Pray that not your will but His will be done! Moreover, ask God about the things you need to look for in the one you will marry. To have wisdom is to see things from God’s perspective—especially, as you are in the journey of finding a wife.
Needless to say, pray that God will transform you into the husband or wife you need to become. Pray that He will make you the right son-in-law, brother-in-law, uncle and friend you need to be for your future wife and her family. Most importantly, pray for a godly character.
Do you agree?
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I am a blogger, writer, minister, husband to Olguta, and most importantly, a child of God. I am also a certified Coach, Speaker, Trainer, and Teacher with The John Maxwell Team, and I am helping people reach their full potential.