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Finding a wife in our times can be challenging. Make sure you read my previous post before reading this one.
Finding a wife—a personal story
In 2013 I had my first trip to Israel—you can read it on Kindle here. However, one of the most amazing things that happened to me was that I met a beautiful Christian lady. A mutual friend introduced her to me.
In my first two weeks there I attended a big conference in Jerusalem. And in my first day at the conference I saw her there! I thought this is God trying to tell me something. Moreover, a Pastor friend of mine told me that she and I looked good together and that I should try to initiate a friendship that leads to marriage with her. I thought and prayed about it and I concluded that this could be from God so I should give it a try.
We began spending time together, walking together through Jerusalem, talking, visiting different congregations and getting to know each other’s friends. It was a wonderful time!
Needless to say, as all wonderful times, mine came to an end when I had to leave Israel, one month later. You need to read my testimony to understand better. However, after I arrived home, in Romania, we continued to communicate via email and Skype.
Finding a wife and rejection
Most importantly, I did pray a lot and asked God if I should make the next step and talk to her about getting married. Eventually, after prayer and talking with my Pastor friend about her and my decision, I wrote her a letter. In my letter, I shared my heart with her and my intentions—that’s a summary of the letter. I told her how I understood God told me about making this step and how I believe she is the one I should marry.
Then, I sent the letter. Four-five days later, I got an email from her. It was a long one. In her email basically she explained why she does not believe she should marry me. She told me that God hasn’t told her anything about me!
I felt humbled, hurt, and rejected, as you can imagine. It took a while to get over it and reply to her email in a gracious manner. I thought she was making the biggest mistake of her life! But she did not—it was from God.
In my head I thought she is the one I should marry, but God in His wisdom said NO. It was hard for me to understand and accept His will but finally I did surrender. I thank God to this day for giving me the grace to move on in life!
Finding a wife and dating
I would like to tell you that was a singular case in my life. However, after closing the chapter with that lady from Israel, I told myself I will not give up.
I can’t remember where I heard for the first time someone saying that men should only date the girl they want to marry. It sounds godly but I think this is wrong advice. And for many years I believed it!
I believe there are two extremes here. One extreme, never dating a girl because you are not sure you want to marry her. How can you get to know someone if you do not talk to the person and try to get to know her in a godly and Biblical way? I am not sure how one can answer this question. Or they only dated the person they married with the belief everyone should do the same. In other words, they try to impose their view on everybody else.
The other extreme is people start dating and dating and never make a decision. This is wrong too and is not cool nor godly. I would like to recommend this book by Henry Cloud and John Townsend where they talk more about dating.
The purpose of my post is not to talk about how to date. My purpose is to encourage you to start dating!
Finding a wife and the Bible
For a long time I thought things would happen in my life as it happened to Adam—I share about it here. Or like things happened to the servant of Abraham (Genesis 24). Or that God should tell me whom to marry, as He told Hosea (Hosea 1:2). However, God told Hosea to marry a prostitute because He had a plan and a message to communicate to Israel. Hosea’s marriage was an image of God pursuing His unfaithful people. By the way, always pursue holiness when marrying someone and do not make a rule out of an exception! Others look at the example of Joseph to whom the angel told to marry the Virgin Mary (Matthew 1:20-21). However, we are looking here at the Messianic line of Jesus and this is a different story.
My point is that I expected God to do something miraculous without my collaboration.
There is not a rule in the Bible about how one can find a wife. Every example is different. I read many Christian books about how to find a wife and then I took probably ALL the Bible texts that talk about the topic. Every case is different! The only rule one can find is that we should marry someone who is a believer in Jesus/Yeshua (1 Cor. 7:39, 2 Cor. 6:14).
Therefore, if you marry that woman or the other, and if both are believers, you do not sin. But, as I said in my previous post, if you want to marry someone and fulfill your calling and destiny too, then it is imperative to seek God’s face.
Finding a wife and faith
Before reading this passage make sure you read what I said about faith in one of my posts.
James 2:26 (TLV)
For just as the body without the spirit is dead, so also faith without works is dead.
One of the most important questions you can ask yourself is how can you show God you have faith? After praying for a wife (or for anything) ask yourself the above question. If you pray to God to lead your steps towards a wife, then you need to believe He does that. Faith is a choice! You choose to believe God did hear your voice and prayer! And if you believe that, you need to act accordingly.
Faith is not a living faith without actions. Ask God how can you show faith from your actions, what you need to do practically to show faith. I can share with you maybe hundreds of testimonies how God worked in my life as a result of applying this principle—my first Israel experience is only one of them.
I am sure that if you prayed to God for a wife, God is already telling you something. Maybe He is telling you to wait as it is not His time. Or maybe He brought someone in front of your eyes already—ask Him to open your eyes to see His solution or your ’Eve’.
Finding a wife and more rejection
After I was rejected by the lady in the beginning of my post, I did not stop. I prayed to God to lead my steps toward another person. And He did that. So, I began dating another young lady and a similar thing happened again. I got rejected! This story repeats itself four-five times before I meet my wife.
Even my wife when I was courting her did reject me a few times. However, I sensed I should persevere, in faith and with patience. She told me a few times that she was not interested in getting married and that she was not interested in me.
Usually people give up in a situation like that. As a matter of fact I wanted to give up on her many times. But I told myself this is not a decision I should make alone but only together with God. And every time I told God I want to give up the Lord told me to keep on persevering. I prayed every day for hours for God’s will to be done.
I don’t know what God did but slowly He changed her heart and mine and brought us together. All glory to God!
Quite often when you will look for a wife you will probably have to deal with rejection. So what? Does this mean you need to give up? No way! You need to show faith in God by persevering.
When I was a teeneager I was extremly shy and timid. I could not talk properly with a girl. I had to ask someone one day to pray for me for the Lord to set me free from this spirit of fear. And God did deliver me!
The chances are that you have someone on your radar, someone you would like to know and befriend. Pray about it and then go and talk with that person. Maybe you will get rejected in the beginning but it does not mean you need to give up. Talk with your Pastor about it or with a mature believer and ask them to pray for you and with you to get married. I rememeber when I told my Pastor that I want to get married. He shared with me Proverbs 18:22 (TLV)
Whoever finds a wife finds good, and receives favor from Adonai.
Then he asked me: how can one find a wife if he is not looking for one? Finding a wife is a partnership with God where you have to play your part. Do not believe God should choose in your place or that you should alone, apart from Him, choose. No—it is a partnership.
If you feel pressure to get married, this is not from God. Make sure you discern His leading!
Do you agree?
I don’t know if you read the books I recommended until now. Make sure you do yourself a favour and learn from others too! However, if you did not read the books I recommended so far, make sure you READ THIS BOOK- a book written by bestselling doctors. I cannot emphasize this enough! Especially, if you plan to get married or if you are in a relationship, want to enter a relationship, or if you are already married!
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I am a blogger, writer, minister, husband to Olguta, and most importantly, a child of God. I am also a certified Coach, Speaker, Trainer, and Teacher with The John Maxwell Team, and I am helping people reach their full potential.