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Single ready for marriage?
Single ready for marriage—introduction
Last week, my wife and I celebrated two years since we got married. I know it does not seem like a lot for many of you, because actually, it is not a long time. However, it feels like we have known each other for decades! The best two years of my life!
Many people told me that the first years of marriage are the hardest. I don’t know what to say about this but I hope this is true because for us these two years were not always easy but they were beautiful! And the best is yet to come.
I was 31 (almost 32) when I got married to Olguta. We met at a Bible School in a city in the north-west of Romania. She went there for the courses and I was there as part of the ministry team. Long story short—we did start exchanging messages on Facebook; then I asked for her email and phone—and the rest is history!
However, to get married was a journey.
In the beginning
Genesis 1:1 (TLV)
In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.
Then—in a nutshell—God prepared the world for man and on the sixth day, God made the man (not the other way around). Genesis 1:27 (TLV)
God created humankind in His image, in the image of God He created him, male and female He created them.
First, God created Adam out of the dust of the ground (Gen. 2:7) and gave him life. Next, we read that God planted a garden in Eden and gave Adam His only command (2:16-17). Everything looked perfect!
However, in the beginning man (Adam) was single (Genesis 2:8, 18). Adam had fellowship with the Trinity every day—a perfect fellowship. And he had everything he needed—he lived in Eden! What else did he need? Well, Adam needed a well-matched helper (Gen. 2:18), according to God.
Genesis 2:20 (TLV)
So the man gave names to all of the livestock, and to the flying creatures of the sky, and to all the animals of the field; but for the man He did not find a well-matched helper for him.
So what was God’s solution for Adam? God’s plan and solution for Adam bears the name Eve—a woman. This comes as a shock for the LGBT people when they read in the Bible that God’s original and only intention from the beginning is for a man to marry a woman. A man is not to marry another man or two or more women (polygamy).
Single ready for marriage—life is complicated
For almost 32 years I was single, so I know pretty well what it means to be a single. Trust me, for almost 32 years my parents and friends used to tell me it is not good for a man to be alone (Gen. 2:18). And by that (with good intentions) they did communicate to me that I should get married. Part of me was angry at the people making jokes about the fact that I was single. On the other hand, I knew they were right because these are the words of God. And God said it is not good to be alone or single. In other words, God says if you are single then get married! If things would be that easy…right?
Things are even more complicated if you are a child of God who wants to do what pleases the Father. Things are a bit easier if you are not a believer—you can do whatever you want and how you wish without thinking about God’s will. Nevertheless, if you are a believer living in the fear of the Lord, then…things complicate themselves, or so it seems. What do I mean by things complicate themselves?
I mean: if you are a New Covenant believer who walks in the fear of the Lord, and if you are a single ready for marriage, then you should ask yourself a few crucial questions.
Single ready for marriage—things to take into consideration
Some questions I asked myself were: Who should I marry? Why should I marry? Why her and not another? How do I know if I am making the right choice? How do I know I am led by the Spirit and not by my flesh or eyes? What if I am called to be single for the rest of my life? What if it is not God’s will for me to get married?
Well, these are only some questions I asked myself and prayed about. I am just being honest with you about my struggles and the many questions I battled.
It seems to me that things were much easier for Adam—he had no other option but Eve. So, Adam knew Eve was God’s choice and will for his life—problem solved. Do you remember the story? Genesis 2:21-24 (TLV)
Adonai Elohim caused a deep sleep to fall on the man and he slept, and He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh in its place. Adonai Elohim built the rib, which He had taken from the man, into a woman. Then He brought her to the man. Then the man said, “This one, at last, is bone of my bones and flesh from my flesh. This one is called woman, for from man was taken this one.” This is why a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife; and they become one flesh.
If you are a single ready for marriage—start with God
The first thing any man should focus on is his personal relationship with God. Make sure that you, like Adam, live in constant fellowship with the Lord. No matter where you are in life or what your plans are—always start with God. And remember that you cannot say you have a great relationship with God but don’t have a great relationship with your neighbor. Make sure you read this post!
Make God the priority of your life. If you are a single ready for marriage it does not mean you have more free time; it means you can focus more on yourself and your walk with the Lord. I remember telling myself while I was single that I should make the most out of my singleness. I was able to do mission trips, get involved in my congregation, spend a lot of time in prayer, and find a strategy in my battle with pornography. By the way, getting married will not solve your pornography issue—it will only increase it. So, make sure you enter into a marriage covenant free from any bondage. I cannot emphasize this enough!
Prepare yourself for marriage
If you are to follow the pattern of the Bible (which is the only way to have a blessed marriage) then, the second thing a man should pursue is a job. In Genesis 2:8 & 15 we read that after God created man, God gave Adam a job to do—take care of the garden of Eden. The Lord told Adam to cultivate the garden and to watch over Eden.
Therefore, if you are a man who wants to get married, then start living a responsible life and do not keep on expecting your parents to help you financially. Get a job—grow up! That is God’s original design for any man!
Will a job give you a wife? Of course not! However, a job communicates to any woman that you are a mature and responsible man. It communicates balance, wisdom, and security—and any woman looks for these things. It communicates your desire to be financially independent of your parents and shows that you know how to provide for your future family. Needless to say, having a job communicates you know the Bible—at least you know Genesis 2:15! By the way, never make the mistake of marrying your job. It is not worth it!
Rest in the Lord and wait
As we read in Genesis 2:21-24 when God decided to bring Eve to Adam, first He caused Adam to sleep. That means Adam was not aware of how God worked in his life to bring him a wife. All he knew is that when he did wake up, he saw Eve.
We don’t know how long Adam was asleep. What can we learn from this? I would suggest that before a man should get married, he needs to be put to sleep, by God. He needs to find his rest in the Presence of God and in fellowship with Him. It never helps to be desperate to get married—you are in danger of making mistakes when you feel desperate. Only when you rest in the Lord, will you be able to make the right choices.
My advice to you if you are a single ready for marriage: enjoy your single life as much as you can! God has a purpose for it. Enjoy and love this season of your life because it will end one day. Ecclesiastes 3:1 (TLV)
For everything there is a season and a time for every activity under heaven
When I was single I read many books about singleness and listened to many Bible teachings about the topic. Many messages were saying something like: if you are single just praise God for it and work hard for the Lord because you have a lot of free time. Honestly, I was disappointed quite often when I did hear that kind of teaching.
To be single is not easy—especially in our times. God knows better when He says it is not good for a man to be alone. You will not remain a single forever unless you decide to or you sense God is leading you towards such a life.
In the meantime make sure you develop your relationship with God, finish school, get a job, enjoy life. And pray for God to guide your steps, at the right time, towards the one you should marry. Did I mention having patience is essential?
If you are a single ready for marriage, follow me in my next post where I am a little more specific.
Do you agree?
If you are a single ready for marriage (or know someone who is) make sure you read this book by Derek Prince:
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