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Singleness and what is God saying about this topic? How can you know if you are called to be single? Make sure you read my previous post before reading this one.
Singleness—a season to prepare for marriage
I am the second child of my parents out of three. Both my older sister and my younger brother got married long before I did. My brother was 21 when he got married—a courageous man! Moreover, both of my siblings are happily married for more than 10 years now. So, for a long time, I was the only one who was not married! You can imagine the well-intended and unasked counsel I used to receive from the people in my extended family (smile).
In 2012 I moved from my parent’s house to live alone in a small apartment flat. It was one of the best gifts God ever gave me! Back then I was working with a Christian organization in Romania and spent most of my time doing ministry and living by faith. One day, an older lady who was a believer, gave me a book by Joyce Meyer. As I took the book, I sensed God telling me I need to read it carefully.
In her book, one thing Joyce Meyer shares is about being faithful in the small and mundane things of life. It was like God was speaking about what He wants to develop in my life in the season of singleness ahead of me. Do you remember Luke 16:10 (TLV)?
One who is faithful in the smallest matters is also faithful in much, and the one unjust in the smallest matters will likewise be unjust in much.
Singleness and faithfulness
It was not a small transition moving from my parent’s house to my place. The Lord taught me I needed to keep my apartment clean constantly; I need to pay my bills, buy groceries, even cook for myself. All the good things of life! I soon realized that if I do not pay my bills, no one will pay them for me and nobody will do the shopping in my place or cook.
Living by myself forced me to become responsible for my life and mature. Needless to say, I had to learn how to organize my life and time. I learned so many precious things that helped me after I got married. Now, when I am looking back on my life, I am so grateful to God for all my years of singleness. I can see God’s hand leading my life and teaching me what it means to live with integrity and live a responsible life!
During my singleness season I also had to learn to remain faithful to God. Back then there were a few Christian ladies who I sensed like me. Moreover, they offered themselves to come to my place to cook me a meal and help me do the cleaning. I said a big NO, THANK YOU! One of the first rules I took was that no woman will enter my apartment but my wife. It is better to have poor food but keep my life clean than to have a good meal and fall into temptation.
Singleness is for a season
It is crucial to set godly boundaries and have godly rules while being single. Likewise, it is important to have rules when you are married. One rule my wife and I have is that no woman can enter our house when she is not home. I have to get out and wait for her somewhere outside. The same if a man visits our house and I am not home. I have learned this from an old family of pastors from the US. It is always important to fight for your personal integrity! Moreover, as a minister, I have similar rules when I am ministering to other people—but that’s another topic.
Coming back to the singleness topic. When I was single, I sensed married folks were more appreciated and much more valuable than us, the single people. And in the Church, things seemed similar regarding single people as they are in society. Rarely do you find a Congregation with a ministry and a heart for single people.
Singleness and Jesus
There are many heresies claiming that Jesus was married with Mary Magdalene (Dan Brown is one of the promotors of the heresy). And people like Dan Brown try to prove their point with all kind of humanistic arguments. Satan tries in any possible way to denigrate the Name of the Lord. Indeed, we live in peculiar times.
On the other hand, many people today argue that if one wants to be and live like Jesus, he or she needs to remain single. However, this too is a strange theology. I believe Jesus did not marry for many reasons—you can read more about the topic here.
Singleness and the Apostle Paul
Others argue that because the Apostle Paul was single, men should remain single too (1 Cor. 7:7). They believe, that somehow, one is holier if they do not marry—but this has no Biblical grounds.
A few words about the Apostle Paul’s singleness before I continue my post. Many Bible Scholars believe he was married before he became a believer in Jesus/Yeshua (Acts 22:3).
Even today the custom among the religious Jews is to marry from a young age—around 18. And as Paul said, he was trained to observe the Torah in the Jewish custom. And the Jewish custom was and still is for a man to get married! Moreover, as many scholars point out, one could not have become a Rabbi (as Paul was) without being married first. I know this is not in the Bible but it is common sense to view things in this light.
However, after he became a believer we read he was a single and remained a single. As you probably know, after a Jewish person becomes a believer in Jesus, often their spouse divorces them because of their new faith. I know quite a few people who got divorced by their spouse because of their faith in Jesus. I am sure that was common back then too.
Not called to singleness for life
After I became a believer, I prayed constantly for a wife. And when someone asked me, why did I want to get married, I replied by saying it is Biblical to get married. Moreover, I can see myself having a wife and a family.
After praying and meditating on my life and talking with other mature believers, I realized that the desire of my heart to have a family comes from God. God is the One who invented the family—not the devil, and He is the One who placed the desire to have a family in my heart!
Reading what some other Bible teachers said about singleness I concluded that if God wanted me to be single, He would have given me the desire to be single! However, He did not give me the desire or the calling to be single. Indeed, after much prayer and thinking—I took a while—I concluded that God’s will for my life is to start a family.
I was extremely happy for how God confirmed this truth in my heart through other mature believers. The battle of my life was if the desire to get married was coming out of my flesh or if it was from the Lord. I have wrote two posts about how one can discern God’s guidance, so, I am not going into the topic for now. However, one of the main things is that during your time of fellowship with the Lord talk to Him about this topic. I know I prayed a lot and even put aside days of fasting only to discern God’s will. To get married is one of the most important things one can do in life and it is for life! Therefore, one needs to pay attention to any and every aspect.
Being married for over two years now I can say what God said—it is not good for a man to be alone. It is so good to be married! Therefore, if you ask me if I have any advice for the single people I will say: yes, get married!
It is good to have a partner in life, someone to walk with in life, someone with whom to share your heart even your most intimate things. Yes, I know we are to do that with God but it helps so much to do it with a spouse too. I know that God healed my life of loneliness through my wife.
Do you agree?
Any person can learn so much about singleness and marriage from Derek Prince’s book (make sure you read it):
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I am a blogger, writer, minister, husband to Olguta, and most importantly, a child of God. I am also a certified Coach, Speaker, Trainer, and Teacher with The John Maxwell Team, and I am helping people reach their full potential.