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Are you called to singleness, or is singleness simply a season God is using to prepare you for what comes next? For many Christians, this can be a difficult question. You may desire marriage while wondering whether God has a different plan for your life.
Scripture shows us that both marriage and singleness can be used for the glory of God. Therefore, the most important question is not, “When will I get married?” but, “How can I faithfully follow God in the season and calling He has given me?”
In my own life, I had to wrestle with these questions. My years of singleness taught me about faithfulness, personal responsibility, purity, and discerning God’s will. They also helped me understand the difference between being single for a season and being called to singleness.
Is Singleness a Season or a Calling?
I am the second child of my parents out of three. Both my older sister and my younger brother got married long before I did. My brother was 21 when he got married—a courageous man! Moreover, both of my siblings are happily married for more than 10 years now. So, for a long time, I was the only one who was not married! You can imagine the well-intended and unasked counsel I used to receive from the people in my extended family (smile).
In 2012 I moved from my parent’s house to live alone in a small apartment flat. It was one of the best gifts God ever gave me! Back then I was working with a Christian organization in Romania and spent most of my time doing ministry and living by faith. One day, an older lady who was a believer, gave me a book by Joyce Meyer. As I took the book, I sensed God telling me I need to read it carefully.
In her book, one thing Joyce Meyer shares is about being faithful in the small and mundane things of life. It was like God was speaking about what He wants to develop in my life in the season of singleness ahead of me. Do you remember Luke 16:10 (TLV)?
One who is faithful in the smallest matters is also faithful in much, and the one unjust in the smallest matters will likewise be unjust in much.
Singleness is not wasted time. Whether it lasts for a few years or becomes a lifelong calling, God can use this season to shape our character, deepen our dependence on Him, and prepare us for faithful service.
God Can Use Singleness to Prepare You
It was not a small transition moving from my parent’s house to my place. The Lord taught me I needed to keep my apartment clean constantly; I need to pay my bills, buy groceries, even cook for myself. All the good things of life! I soon realized that if I do not pay my bills, no one will pay them for me and nobody will do the shopping in my place or cook.
Living by myself forced me to become responsible for my life and mature. Needless to say, I had to learn how to organize my life and time. I learned so many precious things that helped me after I got married. Now, when I am looking back on my life, I am so grateful to God for all my years of singleness. I can see God’s hand leading my life and teaching me what it means to live with integrity and live a responsible life!
Looking back, I can see that God was using ordinary responsibilities to mature me. Learning to manage my time, money, home, relationships, and spiritual life became part of His preparation for what came later.
During my singleness season I also had to learn to remain faithful to God. Back then there were a few Christian ladies who I sensed like me. Moreover, they offered themselves to come to my place to cook me a meal and help me do the cleaning. I said a big NO, THANK YOU! One of the first rules I took was that no woman will enter my apartment but my wife. It is better to have poor food but keep my life clean than to have a good meal and fall into temptation.
Faithfulness During a Season of Singleness
It is crucial to set godly boundaries and have godly rules while being single. Likewise, it is important to have rules when you are married. One personal boundary I established was that I would not invite a woman into my apartment when we were alone. That was not a biblical command I expected every Christian to follow, but it was a practical boundary that helped me protect my integrity.
I have learned this from an old family of pastors from the US. It is always important to fight for your personal integrity! Moreover, as a minister, I have similar rules when I am ministering to other people—but that’s another topic.
Coming back to the singleness topic. When I was single, I sensed married folks were more appreciated and much more valuable than us, the single people. And in the Church, things seemed similar regarding single people as they are in society. Rarely do you find a Congregation with a ministry and a heart for single people.
If your main question is how to live faithfully and purposefully during this season, I have also written about how to live as a single Christian.
What Does the Bible Say About Being Called to Singleness?
Jesus and Singleness
There are many heresies claiming that Jesus was married with Mary Magdalene (Dan Brown is one of the promotors of the heresy). And people like Dan Brown try to prove their point with all kind of humanistic arguments. Satan tries in any possible way to denigrate the Name of the Lord. Indeed, we live in peculiar times.
On the other hand, many people today argue that if one wants to be and live like Jesus, he or she needs to remain single. However, this too is a strange theology. I believe Jesus did not marry for many reasons—you can read more about the topic here.
Paul and the Gift of Singleness
Others argue that because the Apostle Paul was single, men should remain single too (1 Cor. 7:7). They believe, that somehow, one is holier if they do not marry—but this has no Biblical grounds.
A few words about the Apostle Paul’s singleness before I continue my post. Many Bible Scholars believe he was married before he became a believer in Jesus/Yeshua (Acts 22:3).
Even today the custom among the religious Jews is to marry from a young age—around 18. And as Paul said, he was trained to observe the Torah in the Jewish custom. And the Jewish custom was and still is for a man to get married! Moreover, as many scholars point out, one could not have become a Rabbi (as Paul was) without being married first. I know this is not in the Bible but it is common sense to view things in this light.
However, after he became a believer we read he was a single and remained a single. As you probably know, after a Jewish person becomes a believer in Jesus, often their spouse divorces them because of their new faith. I know quite a few people who got divorced by their spouse because of their faith in Jesus. I am sure that was common back then too.
How to Know If You Are Called to Singleness
After I became a believer, I prayed constantly for a wife. And when someone asked me, why did I want to get married, I replied by saying it is Biblical to get married. Moreover, I can see myself having a wife and a family.
After praying and meditating on my life and talking with other mature believers, I realized that the desire of my heart to have a family comes from God. God is the One who invented the family—not the devil, and He is the One who placed the desire to have a family in my heart!
My desire for marriage was one important part of the discernment process, but desire alone does not determine God’s will. I needed to bring that desire before God, examine it in the light of Scripture, pray, and seek wisdom from mature believers. Over time, I became convinced that lifelong singleness was not God’s calling for me and that I should pursue marriage in a godly way. Indeed, after much prayer and thinking—I took a while—I concluded that God’s will for my life is to start a family.
f you are wondering whether you are called to singleness, do not base your decision on one feeling or one difficult season. Pray, study Scripture, examine the desires God has placed in your heart, seek counsel from mature believers, and give yourself time. God’s guidance does not need to be forced. Learning whether you are called to singleness is ultimately part of learning how to discern God’s plan for your life.
What If You Desire Marriage?
I was extremely happy for how God confirmed this truth in my heart through other mature believers. The battle of my life was if the desire to get married was coming out of my flesh or if it was from the Lord. I have wrote two posts about how one can discern God’s guidance, so, I am not going into the topic for now. However, one of the main things is that during your time of fellowship with the Lord talk to Him about this topic. I know I prayed a lot and even put aside days of fasting only to discern God’s will. To get married is one of the most important things one can do in life and it is for life! Therefore, one needs to pay attention to any and every aspect.
Marriage has been a wonderful gift from God in my life. Yet marriage is not what makes a Christian complete—Christ does. Whether God leads us into marriage or gives us a longer season of singleness, our deepest identity, security, and purpose must remain in Jesus.
It is good to have a partner in life, someone to walk with in life, someone with whom to share your heart even your most intimate things. Yes, I know we are to do that with God but it helps so much to do it with a spouse too. I know that God healed my life of loneliness through my wife.
Follow God Faithfully in Your Present Season
You may not know today whether your singleness will last another year, several years, or much longer. You do not need to know every detail of your future in order to faithfully follow Jesus today.
If you are called to singleness, God will give you grace to serve Him faithfully in that calling. If marriage is part of His direction for your life, your present season is still valuable. God can use it to develop maturity, faithfulness, purity, wisdom, and a deeper relationship with Him.
Do not waste your present season by constantly wishing you were in another one. Seek Christ, grow in character, serve others, build healthy relationships, and trust God with your future.
Your calling today is clear: faithfully follow Jesus with the life and season God has given you.
Any person can learn so much about singleness and marriage from Derek Prince’s book (make sure you read it):
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I am a blogger, writer, pastor, Director of Zion Romania Bible School, husband to Olguta, a father and, most importantly, a child of God. I also completed my studies at the King’s University where I earned a B.A. in Theology with a concentration in Messianic Jewish Studies. I love Israel and I love the ‘Jewishness’ of the Bible.
[…] Christians also wrestle with a deeper question: Am I called to singleness, or is this simply a season of my life? If you are a single it does not mean something is wrong with […]